Thoughts are Things
I come from a loving family. My parents loved each other and openly showed affection, between themselves as well as with my brother and I. We hugged often and freely. They set the rules. My late Mom stayed home and taught us the rules. My late Dad was the disciplinarian when we broke them.
My Dad was a very hard worker. He supported my Mom, my brother and me. We lived in a house in the suburbs. We always had food on the table, good clothes, and the gas and electricity were never shut off. My Mom was THE neighborhood Mom; everyone always came to our house to play and get treats.
My Mom doted on my brother and me. She was very strict. She conferred her moral and orthodox religious upbringing with us. She also taught us social rules. We learned table manners and how to behave in public.
My brother and I would always be fidgeting. This must have frustrated her, especially when pictures were being taken. Although my brother and I are close in age (just 15 months apart), I am the oldest, and often was the focus of the first-time lessons. My brother often didn't have to endure the length or depth of "training", and was often told briefly to simply learn from and behave like your older brother.
I recently saw a photograph of my Dad, brother and me, posing in front of my Dad's car, in front of my grandmother's house in up-state New York. I get a sentimental wave of warmth in seeing my Dad and brother casually holding still in front of that good old Olds. Delta 88. I also see myself, standing at attention, like a soldier. My hands and arms are straight. My hands are glued to my side.
I find myself even today, being visited by the ghosts of lessons of the past: Everyone must follow the rules. Getting all kinds of emotional, when they don't, doesn't serve any purpose whatsoever.
I came to believe that there is a best way to do everything. Although this way of thinking didn't prevent compromise and embracing another way, it did convey the idea that everyone agreed with this and always worked towards this mutual objective.
The aspect of everyone ascribing to this became the thing that I find myself struggling with. I've come to realize that although I do believe most people want positive, mutually agreeable outcomes, sometimes things are just not serious. People can be silly and just goofing around. Some people have their sights set on objectives that they may place higher value upon than we would or do.
Even these simple lessons from long ago, still manifest themselves in complex ways.
Now I know that I am not responsible for the programming I picked up in childhood. However, as an adult, I am 100% responsible for fixing it.
with gratitude and in service,
Tony Koker
P.S. A thought of mine for you: May your joy and success continue to exceed your expectations.
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